Spur of the moment venting.
Now hopefully, from this, I would of learnt a lesson and this can be a reminder to myself.
I never try and prejudge things, interactions with people. I feel everyone should have an open chance and I should never prevent things from happening based on previous experiences with other people. I guess it could my own principle. But one thing that never changes; getting hurt. Overexposing yourself, showing your vulnerable to someone so they can rip you up.
I always tell myself that I won’t do it in future, I’ll hold back, but on this occasion it was an exception. And exception that ignited from intergration. And even though it is far down the line, the pattern happened again. The same feeling of shock and breathlessness strikes again.
I feel like my head is racing, searching for a solution. But my hands feel numb, ish: I don’t like this feeling but it feels comforting as lately it has been pretty common.
I have felt, for a while, that things have been falling the wrong side of a bell-curve. I want 2-3months ago back, because the feelings definitely felt present, but I guess that was just a rose-tinted haze; I’ve been sobering up for the past couple of months.
I don’t know what I should do. Ignore it, accept it or walk away from it.
I just want you to feel the same again, to care about me again; for me to be special again.
For fucks sake, Samuel…